A bride-to-be has sparked a debate over gender equality, after confessing she had grown frustrated at her non-binary sibling not knowing whether they wanted to dress typically female or male for her wedding.
The bride is getting married in two months, however she began planning her wedding more than a year ago, and had previously asked her sibling to be one of her bridesmaids before they came out as non-binary.
“Sometimes they dress feminine, sometimes masculine and others in-between the two. I asked if they still wanted to be a bridesmaid and they said they’d rather be a bridesperson which obviously is not a problem,” the bride explained on Reddit’s Am I The A**hole forum.
“I asked them if they would be wearing a dress, suit or something else smart but the same colour as my friends’ dresses. They said they weren’t sure and they would get back to me.”
While she has made it perfectly clear she has no problem with what her sibling chooses to wear, the bride admitted feeling frustrated over the fact that her sibling says they can’t decide what they’ll want to wear until the day of the wedding arrives.
“I only asked three bridesmaids as the wedding is on a budget but I still wanted to pay for their dresses. Now it’s two months until the wedding and they still haven’t decided what they want to wear. I asked today if they had decided because I really have to order the bridesmaid dresses ASAP even though they are premade in the shop as they still need adjustments,” the bride explained.
“I said I’m still buying the dress, suit or whatever else they want to wear but I need to know what it will be. My sibling is insisting they won’t know until on the day whether they want to dress more feminine; a dress, or more masculine; a suit, so I should buy both and I can return whatever one they don’t wear.”
However, the bride went on to say that the shop where she is buying the outfits from won’t take returns once the items have been altered, meaning she’d end up out of pocket having paid for two non-refundable outfits when she’s on a tight budget.
“My sibling thinks I’m being a bridezilla over this because I won’t buy both. I reminded them they can wear something else that is smart and we can even go shopping together for it but they want either a dress or suit,” she said.
“I’m starting to wonder if I’m being an a**hole because I know it can’t be easy for them not knowing how they’ll feel on the day and I don’t want to force them to wear something they aren’t comfortable with but I need to know one way or the other what’s happening.”
While most people generally agreed that the bride wasn’t being unreasonable by not wanting to buy two separate outfits, many people suggested a compromise, such as the bride purchasing one outfit and the bridesperson purchasing the other.
Meanwhile, another suggested she point out to her sibling that everyone in a wedding has to choose their outfit months in advance, including the bride, groom and both their parties – however, a non-binary person pointed out that this wouldn’t solve the issue of dysphoria the sibling could experience by picking the wrong outfit ahead of time.
“For a lot of non binary people, what they feel comfortable in can shift day to day. So if they choose a dress now, it very well be that day of they are feeling more masculine than feminine and wearing a dress could be horribly dysmorphic for them,” they explained.